I don’t know what it is about motorcycles and espresso machines that engenders the need to cross-pollinate, but it’s very real. We’ve seen motorcycle-themed cafes, espresso machines on the side of motorcycles, even espresso machines made out of motorcycle engines. But this latest entry into the espresso-motorcycle canon is something far dumber.
Motorcycle maker Ducati has just made their own $3,000 espresso machine, and it only works with pods.
As reported by Yahoo, it’s called the Barista M3 1926 Limited Edition and it was made in collaboration with Switzerland’s Cuisine Barista. It combines technological advancements not often afforded pod-based coffee machines with the sleek design of Ducati. Put another way, it’s a beautiful mess. Limited to a run of just 1,926 machines, the black espresso machine features a glowing red back panel with “Ducati” written across it and carbon fiber paneling throughout. It is touted as the “world’s only carbon-fiber capsule machine.” It is a very sleek looking machine.
The portafilter-less espresso maker allows users to select brew temperature, flavor profile (light, standard, and strong), and pre-infusion settings, which is the exact level of control most speed- and convenience-focused pod machine users covet. It also has not one but two ways to steam milk because why not. There’s the traditional steam wand typically seen on espresso machine. Then there’s something they’re calling “the world’s first in-cup milk frother.” Using the provided steel to-go cup, users add milk and then put it in the cupholder-type space on the top. The machine will then use heat induction and a frother to whip the milk into your desired foaminess, from hot foam, both hot or dense, to cold foam.
There’s also an app because everything has to have an app.
All of which is to say, it makes no sense. Or rather, the sense that it makes is the “more money than…” variety. This is a $3,000 espresso machine we’re talking about here, and it only uses coffee pods. You want to drink pods for their convenience, be my guest. But if you actually care about the quality of the coffee you are drinking—enough to drop three grand on a machine—then perhaps you’ve outgrown the convenience-over-everything philosophy of coffee brewing.
It’s hard to describe the exact sort of uncanny valley of money vs. taste/privilege vs. knowledge that it would require to put a Barista M3 1926 Limited Edition on your counter. Indeed, the many similes and metaphors implied by the marriage of Ducatti technology, its $3,000 price tag, and the requirement of only using coffee pods on your brand new piece of gear has run roughshod over our editorial processes for the last several days. And so, here are just a handful of analogies to perhaps better explain what the hell exactly is going on here.
It’s a Bugatti but the engine is a Fisher Price Go Go Powerwheel.
It’s a digital Patik Phillippe.
It’s like selvedge denim from Shein.
It’s buying a Faberge Egg and asking for only the whites.
It’s like mixing your Springbank 40 year with a Coke Zero.
It’s like drinking Domaine de la Romanée-Conti out of a paper cup.
It’s like watching an IMAX Dual 4K Laser GT 12 channel surround sound screening of Minions: The Rise of Gru.
It’s a courtside seat to watch a November contest between the Sacramento Kings and the Utah Jazz.
It’s a time machine pre-programmed to only visit the year 2020.
It’s a California King filled with bedbugs.
It’s pre-ground nanolot Gesha.
Zac Cadwalader is the managing editor at Sprudge Media Network and a staff writer based in Dallas. Read more Zac Cadwalader on Sprudge.
